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shadows and dreamsThere's so much screaming in my dreams
It's so loud that I can't sleep
my thoughts keep spinning
they're so fast, they're making me dizzy
I just want it to slow down
before I crash and burn out
from all of these hallucinations
that in the day are haunting me
and there's a shadow always by my side
that keeps screaming in my ear
constantly tell me secrets
that no one else can hear
I just want the shadows silenced
I'd do anything for some peace and quiet
but the shadows won't go away
and things never seem to slow down
no matter how firmly I stand
with my feet planted on the ground.
Get out of my lifeWhy can't you just leave me alone
accept that I'm happy without you
putting me down, putting him down
none of that is going to bring me back
because I'm not ever coming back
there's nothing you can say
and there's nothing you can do
I'm not changing my mind
so just accept that we're through
get over it all and leave
I can't stand all your negativity
I don't need that in my life
I don't need you in my life
you're nothing but a virus
that keeps trying to infect me
but I've built up antibodies
I'm immune to your disease
I won't play your games
I see right through your lies
so move on and get out of my life
Forgotten faceThere's a girl in every picture
but no one knows her name
how can we see someone everyday
and still not recognize their face
it's amazing how time passes
the people around us change
some of them we never forget
but others quickly fade away
and in the end there's a picture
always of a forgotten face
a picture of a mysterious girl
and no one remembers her name
arguments with myselfI had an argument with myself today
looking in the mirror I told myself everything
Everyone else has been too afraid to say
and underneath it all I found my biggest mistakes
I've learned that the moments I regret the most
are the one in which I ignored my heart and played it safe
I feel happy, I feel more alive when I take risks
so I'll take a chance on you, I'll take a chance on this
I'll put my heart into it, I'll give it all I've got
then even if it fails at least I'll know I gave it a shot
Inner soul reflectionI'm scared to admit what I've been thinking
because I've been thinking about myself a lot
tearing myself down with inner soul reflection
realizing I'm more complex than originally thought
all this time I've done the things I've done
never knowing why I do the things I do
I always thought I knew who I was
but I've never even scratched the surface
so inside my head I'm digging deeper
I'm digging down until I reach my core
so I can quit repeatedly making the same mistakes
and finally understand why I am the way I am.
Good Things Always Come DisguisedHe wasn't just a boy in tin foil
what you had was the real deal
you had a knight in a world full of cowards
but you messed up, you threw it all away
because you refused to grow up
you just had to play your childish games
and she, she wasn't just another girl
she was a princess in disguise
the last one left of her kind
but you pushed her away
you couldn't let go of your jealousy
you just had to play your childish games
and now she's gone, now he's gone
he stayed put, she ran away
but it all worked out, they fell into place
and I don't know how your story ends
but in this story the knight gets the princess.
Selling my soulAll this time I thought chivalry was dead
until you came along and behaved like a gentleman
now I'm thinking about selling you my soul
because all you have to do is touch me and I tremble
you kiss me and my heart literally skips a beat
it terrifies me, it's never been this way before
but I'm not running away, because nervousness is half the fun
I'm sticking around, my souls yours from this point on.
on the edge of nowhereI stand here on the edge of this cliff
looking back at the life I've lived
was it a life lived to the fullest?
Did I ever really live at all?
somedays I feel like I've wasted it
like I've spent it standing still
too afraid to take that next step forward
terrified I'd end up getting hurt
Have I just been a ship in the harbor
wanting to live but too afraid to start?
always so afraid of losing myself
that I have yet to discover who I am
all I've done is barely even existed
I've coasted along, if I've ever moved at all
I've lived a life with no purpose, No meaning
I've never left a mark on anyone or anything
I often thought I was alive, thought I was living
shared a few laughs, cracked a few smiles
but was I living, or was I just existing?
as I stand here looking back on the life I've lived
I see no reason, nothing is stopping me
I could easily step forward, right off of this cliff
nothing would change, I wouldn't be missed
the world would go on, and I'd simply cease to exist.
I miss what we could have hadIt's crazy laying here
knowing I still love you
I wake up in the middle of the night
and reach over just to find
empty space on what was once your side
I miss the warmth of your arms
I miss how safe I felt inside of them
I always felt safe when I was with you
atleast until one of us spoke
then I didn't feel safe, I felt trapped
but I still miss the relationship we could have had
we could have been perfect for each other
if you would have realized I'm not my past
and I'm not your past either.
the truth about growing up
1. It's easier when you don't think.
1. It starts early,
on a cloudy day when you recall
the 'childhood memories' of
two summers ago,
that's when you start your backslide into
2. On the bright side
you won't notice this until you're
good and ripe in age,
so maybe it doesn't matter
3. That tightness in your chest?
The feeling that you're not ready
to take on the rest of your life; it
4. It stews in the pit of your stomach
makes you doubt,
but there will be days when you look back
on the mountains you climbed -
the raging rivers you crossed -
and you'll have a sneaking suspicion you were
more prepared than you thought.
5. There's nothing like your own bed.
6. Laundry will never smell right
without mom's sweat and tears.
But you still have to separate lights from darks,
keep the zippers pulled tight
and the buttons unhooked.
7. There is comfort in your parents' presence.
8. Things change
the future gnaws and rips
Stranger's funeralUnder the clouds
Under the rain
Staring at the coffin
At a stranger's funeral
We're all alone
Feeling the storm
But not the pain
For he's but a stranger
And the graves around us
Are just there
Keeping us company
During this empty moment
LullabyHush, my baby,
Be still, don't cry.
Lay with me
A little while.
Close your eyes,
Slow your breath.
Hear your heart
Inside your chest?
Your heart is strong,
It guides you well.
Be sure to listen
To what it tells.
I hear him now,
Outside the room.
It won't be long,
He'll find us soon.
Now close your eyes,
Slow your breath,
And rest your head
Upon my chest.
CarolineYou loved the fire
of rogues -
imperfect men who shot up
the endings of the day
and drank down
too much beauty.
And like one of them,
you bellied with rebellion,
felt his tense seed
toil where women
and craved his notoriety.
Poor girl -
his verses won the day
and the call of words
was too fickle a lover
for any constant star.
Don't blame yourself -
are more attractive
and all poets are
Darkest MoonI celebrate my right to live;
To the dismay of some, perhaps
It should be noted
These words I write, however true
Are only portions of the moon
I’ve decide to shine light upon.
But who am I to preach respect?
Who Am I to preach equality?
An advocate for re-personification
Of the female gender
But exhibits cannibalistic characteristics
Within dark spaces.
I am a shadow
Hidden within an Eggshell, painted pink,
Waiting to hatch.
Is the darkness
The night brought upon us.
things to tell you before i leave for collegeto mrs hatcher:
i promise that one day i will write that poem you asked me for
(the only thing you ever asked me for)
and i will finally tell you that you deserve
so much more.
to mr. walker:
i promise that i will not pity you.
i promise that i will not envy you.
i promise that you will always be part of my forget-me-nots and marigolds.
i promise to always be grateful.
i promise to be careful.
i promise to be crazy.
i promise that i will remember what it feels like to be needed
and what it feels like to let someone who needs you down.
i promise that i will never resent you for asking for help
and that i will always be there when you do.
i promise that even sixty years from now,
i will not be surprised to find a letter from you in my mailbox.
i promise to always remember what it felt like to be young and crazy with you,
how scared and lonely we were.
i will remember that we both survived it,
and that we'll survive this, too.
it was a broken sense of beautifulhis smile was like dust caught
in sunlight; more like a dreamy state
of being than reality, like the half-
remembered yesterday that still haunts your
memories because you
didn't want to forget how it
we'd lie on the floor with
slats of light shot across the ceiling, drinking
in the atmosphere
with windows propped open by
books and yellowed pages,
and by the time
we wandered into sleep, we were drunk instead
smell of roses --
he was a broken kind of beautiful, a
beautiful kind of flawed; love-letters, anonymous
and never sent littered
the dusty floorboards beneath his
of what we were before
love found it's way
back around; hours passed in a sunset haze
as my fingers ghosted over words
he'd written half-asleep, ink smudged on his fingers --
they say the music
comes when your heart's about to break, more
like a whimper than a bang; but i've
never heard a song so
sweet, and this sense of lovely has found it's home
inside my bones --
With a pinch the world endsI keep staring at the marks on my shoulder
and the heart shaped bruise on my upper arm
trying to figure out why I'm putting up with this
I know I deserve better, but I'm convinced I love you
I don't know when to run, when do I leave this time
You keep saying you're sorry, you don't mean to hurt me,
but isn't that what they all say, no one ever means it
It starts with a pinch and next thing you know it's a fist
I actually believed there was no way you'd ever do that to me
I never thought you'd hit me, but now you're not so far from maybe
and truth is, it scares me, I'm afraid of what you're becoming,
afraid enough that sometimes I want to drvie off and leave everything
I want to drive long past the point where I run out of road
I want to drive into the ocean and find where the world ends.
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